Out of my control

Alas, the cold I’ve been fighting throughout the triduum has not abated and I woke this morning still feeling icky. I have a bit of a sniffle and my lungs feel somewhat scratchy. My voice, which on its best days has a lovely shimmer today has, shall we say, a different sort of patina.

But you can’t call out sick from singing Easter Sunday, besides, I’m not in such rough shape I couldn’t get through three measly masses! Still I’m pretty annoyed, because singing is not much fun for me today and there’s not much I can so about it.

I do not like things being out of my control, and they are today.

I was starting to feel sorry for myself during the first liturgy when I realized that my blessings, too, are out of my control. That I was raised in a community that taught me how to pray. That my family is loving. That I can sing a high C – even when I’m sniffling. That Christ rose, defying all plans and expectations, proving forever that all will be well and we can let God take the wheel. Maybe it’s better that things are out of my control.


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2 Responses to Out of my control

  1. Chase says:

    Very well put. I was under similar circumstances around Christmas and it made me pretty upset. I had to carry an unconfident alto section through de Victoria’s “O Magnum Mysterium” at Midnight Mass and could barely get into the range that night. But still, my blessings were many! I got to go to a real Midnight Mass. I could go home after Mass and sleep off my cold without fear of persecution or death. I still had the God-given gift of being able to sing glory to God’s name (though the I spent the rest of the night in the bass range).

    Sometimes I ask myself whether I’m fully participating in the Mass or just singing in it. These tests, these losses of control are great barometers for that. I pray things went well, or well enough!

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